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"The Parody Songs That Destroyed Earth" (2020)

by Mark Jonathan Davis

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    New album! 8 classic parody songs by Mark Jonathan Davis! Includes a 16 page PDF booklet of liner notes, lyrics, and exclusive archival images! So many exclamation points!
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1.
THE STAR WARS CANTINA by Mark Jonathan Davis Her name was Leia, she was a princess With a danish on each ear, and Darth Vader drawing near So R2-D2, found Ben Kenobi He'd have to put the Death Star plans into the rebellion's hands So Luke and Obi-Wan, had to get to Alderaan So they stopped into Mos Eisley to have a drink with Han At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina The weirdest creatures you've ever seen-a Here at the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina Music and blasters, and old Jedi masters At the Star Wars.... His name was Solo, he was a pilot With a blaster at his side, and a smile 12 parsecs wide There with Chewbacca, he was a wookie They met with Luke and Obi-Wan, about the Millenium Falcon Docking bay ninety-four, stormtroopers at the door With a flash of Ben's light-saber, now there's an arm on the floor (REPEAT CHORUS) His name was Yoda, he was a muppet Darth Vader was so bad, and by the way, he's Luke's dad Luke kissed his sister, his hand got cut-off In that galaxy far, far away, Luke has had a lousy day Boba Fett was so mean, Jabba had bad hygiene Why didn't they all just relax back on Tatooine (REPEAT CHORUS)
2.
Shatnered 02:22
SHATNERED by Mark Jonathan Davis Uh huh Shatner (William, Shatner) Stars and ships and galaxies Bringin' Klingons to their knees Look at Captain Kirk! He's an actor He's William Shatner (William, Shatner, Shatner) The Red Alert's alarming, the Romulans are arming Beaming down a landing party to the scene, lookout There might be trouble, bring in the stunt double Unless that alien wants to snuggle Black pants and yellow shirt Chasing intergalactic skirt That's James T. Kirk William Shatner The master blaster (William, Shatner, Shatner) All this phaser firing, starship flying, Sulu's driving Warp factor, factor, factor He's kind of hammy, but he won an Emmy On "The Practice" (William, Shatner, Shatner) Mister Spock might pinch your neck But who's the star on Star Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek! William Shatner He's doing acting (instrumental break) Ohh energize William Shatner (He's Bill, Shatner, Shatner) Always sayin' Scotty beam me up, up, up, up, up! (He was also, T.J. Hooker) He got tribbles on the Enterprise Horta's uptown, what a mess His ship is captured But he's on a mattress, with a character actress Gettin' action all over ... that planet This town is full of sabotaagers Go ahead, fight the big Apollo Don't mind the Mugatos Uh huh He's hitting on ya He's drinkin' Tranya He'll Wrath Of Kahn ya All this chitter chatter 'Bout the matter anti-matter, matter anti-matter The Rocket Man In command Give him a big hand William Shatner
3.
RICE RICE BABY by Mark Jonathan Davis Yo maître d’, let’s cook it! Rice, rice baby Rice, rice baby Alright stop, grab a table and a menu Ice is back in this Oriental venue Hungry for a little Chop Suey You got some Dim Sum, bring it right to me You know what you want? Yo, can't decide Column A, Column B, I like fried Shrimp and spare ribs, my fingers I'm lickin' Waitin' for the Main Course, Kung Pau Chicken Spicy, I mean hot like a stir fry If you can't take it, order Moo Goo Gai Pan Means chicken and mushrooms While you're on the soup, the food is here to soon No substitutions but you get hot tea They say vegetable, but that means snow pea If I get dessert, yo, I deserve it Check out the chow while the waiter serves it Rice, rice baby Rice, rice baby You're eatin' sweet and sour But you'll be hungry in less than an hour Use chopsticks or don't, it don't matter Fingers were made for a Pu-Pu Platter Egg rollin’ with Egg Foo Yung My dinner is cookin' like Connie Chung Noodles on standby, Chow Mein nearby Egg drop? No, I'm a Wonton Soup guy Soy sauce, hot mustard smokin' My plate is clean and my fortune cookie's broken Bustin' a bite of Mongolian Beef Get a mint toothpick for my teeth Takeout, leftover Lo Mein If I eat any more, I'll have a weight gain If I get dessert, yo, I deserve it Check out the chow while the waiter serves it Rice, rice baby Rice, rice baby Rice Yo man, let's get out of here Tip to your waitress Rice, rice baby to go Rice, rice baby to go
4.
THE PHANTOM MEDLEY by Mark Jonathan Davis & The X-Swing Fighters (OH SUSANNA) Well, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away-a This guy in black was on the track of the rebels led by Leia Hey, Luke Skywalker, they fried your uncle and aunt So he left Tatooine with a light sabre in his pants (ALOUETTE) You can bet I, want to be a Jedi There is no try, only do (ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT) Use, use, use the force Trust me, Luke, it's neato Listen to Ben, he'll tell you when To launch your torpedo (THE CAISSONS GO MARCHING ALONG) It's a ship, that is flown By that Indiana Jones And the Falcon goes flying along (RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES) He is Darth Vader He's a Jedi hater He dies much later In episode six (ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY) Obi-Wan Kenobi, all covered in brown He may cut your arm off, if you screw around (LA BAMBA) Ba-da-la-da-da-la Boba He's the bounty hunter after Han Under that armor, he's got nothing on (POP GOES THE WEASEL) I love the Star Wars movies, a trio without equal And now it's time for Episode One, pop goes the prequel (LA CUCARACHA) The Phantom Menace, The Phantom Menace Who're ya gonna see it with? Share a Cola with Sebulba Or have some popcorn with the Sith (JINGLE BELLS) Jar Jar Binks, Jar Jar Binks His floppy ears are giant They rendered 'im, with a Pentium Let's hope he's Y2K compliant (CAMPTOWN RACES) Watch pod races in the heat, ka-boom, ka-boom Anakin needs a booster seat, oh the Tatooine day (SHE'LL BE COMIN' ROUND THE MOUNTAIN) They'll be flyin' round Naboo when they come They'll be fightin' battle droids of the Federation Hey those light sabres, sound just like electric razors They'll be flyin' 'round Naboo when they-- (COME ALL YE FAITHFUL) Come all ye forceful To the THX theatre (HALLELUJAH) Queen Amidala Amidala, Amidala She's a hot tamale Natalie, marry me! (HAVA NAGILA) The saga, starts with Obi- Wan Kenobi, and Qui Gon-Jinn Those guys, were Jedis With light sabres, and hair extensions Anakin's a little boy But someday, he will destroy The Jedi knights, in galactic fights With ships and battle droids He knew, R2- D2 on Naboo Luke and Leia, Ben and Yoda Jabba, Chewie, Han and Boba Ewoks, Jawas, and the Gungans And that guy from Pulp Fiction Ships attacking, creatures biting and Darth Maul was Kung Fu fighting Good and Evil, Fate and Mystery And the coolest toys in retail history Episode One... Shut up, the movie has begun (SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT) That's The Phantom Medley The End
5.
JEANNIE’S DINER by Mark Jonathan Davis featuring Marilyn Whitelaw I am sitting on the sofa, there's a TV in the corner I am watching Major Nelson, he is played by Larry Hagman (Jeannie!) And he found a little bottle, and out popped Barbara Eden But she couldn't show her belly button, all she did was blink Tony Nelson works at NASA with suspicious Dr. Bellows And there's also Roger Healy, who would become Howard Borden (Jeannie!) And Jeannie always means well, but they get in wacky trouble She folds her arms and blinks her eyes, it's kind of like Bewitched (Jeannie! Jeannie!) Oh the reruns will continue on the TV as I'm watching The pink smoke of her bottle I am dreaming of Jeannie (Jeannie!) (Jeannie!) (Jeannie!)
6.
WICKED GAME SHOW by Mark Jonathan Davis My brain was on fire, and no one could give me a clue Score got no higher, what's a contestant to do I never dreamed that I'd meet Alex Trebek I never dreamed that I'd be so incorrect No I can't win on Jeopardy (this game is only gonna make you look dumb) No I can't win on Jeopardy (this game is only gonna make you look dumb) Could you? What a wicked theme you hum, to make me feel so dumb What a wicked category, when you pick Potpourri What a wicked thing I said, you must think I'm stupid What a wicked Daily Double, Alex, I'm in trouble No I can't win on Jeopardy (this game is only gonna make you look dumb) No I can't win on Jeopardy (this game is only gonna make you look dumb) Nobody knows everything
7.
THE BOB NEWHART SHOW THEME by Mark Jonathan Davis Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob…Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Bob Newhart Here on Nick At Nite
8.
ROCK ME JERRY LEWIS by Mike Elliott & Bud Latour featuring Mark Jonathan Davis Rock Me Jerry Lewis Jerry Lewis Jerry Lewis (repeats) Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis (repeats) Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis! Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis! Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis! Oooh! L-L-L-L-Lady, L-L-L-L-Lady Tel-tel-tel-telethon, Tel-tel-tel-tel-telethon 1926, New Jersey, March 16th, Jerry Lewis is born in Newark 1946, at the age of 20, Jerry Lewis meets Dean Martin for the first time 1949, Martin & Lewis star in their first film, "My Friend Irma” 1956, Martin & Lewis release "Hollywood Or Bust," then split up 1963, on his own, Lewis stars in "The Nutty Professor" 1973, Lewis chooses Las Vegas as the home for the MDA telethons Labor Day, 3 years later, Frank Sinatra reunites Martin & Lewis live on the telethon In 1986, for no apparent reason, Mike Elliott & Bud Latour record "Rock Me Jerry Lewis" Rock Rock Rock Me Jerry Lewis, Jerry Ooh ooh, ooh Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis Whoa whoa whoa! Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis “Oooh! I’m sorry Mr. Element, uh, Mr. Elliott, and Bud. Oooh! Uh, I want my, I want my, I want my…” Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis! Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis! Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis! Oooh Oooh!

about

"The Parody Songs That Destroyed Earth" by Mark Jonathan Davis (2020) @MJDinStereo www.markjonathandavis.com

--

From 1982 to 1999, my entire life pretty much revolved around writing, singing, and producing parody songs.

It started in Phoenix with Jonathon Brandmeier, who did the morning show at KZZP-FM radio. I and some high school friends would record homemade parody songs on to cassettes, and mail them to Brandmeier in hopes that he would play them on the air. And he did!

Once I got a taste of that semi-fame, I was hooked on radio. I took broadcasting classes, worked at the Arizona State University campus radio station KASR-AM, got a part-time job as a control board operator at a lite-rock station, and taught myself how to use reel-to-reel machines and mixing consoles.

In June 1985, my dream came true and I was hired at KZZP, initially as a weekend deejay, and then as producer for their new Kelly & Co. morning show. Over the next four years, I produced and performed scores of parody songs, many co-written with my fellow KASR alumnus Rob "Iceman" Izenberg. (A collection of those "IceMark" parody song collaborations, including "We Love Barney Fife," "I Want Your Sox," and "La Isla Gilligan" will be released on a separate album next year.)

One of the first parody song projects I worked on at KZZP was "Rock Me Jerry Lewis," created in 1986 by deejays Mike Elliott & Bud Latour. I helped them write the spoken-word lyrics, I sang backup vocals, and I did the voice of Jerry Lewis at the end. We pressed it as a single to raise money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. I vaguely remember meeting Jerry Lewis at an MDA event at a Scottsdale bowling alley, where he autographed a box full of 45s. Mike still has about 100 of them in his garage.

I left KZZP under mysterious circumstances (you can read more about that in my forthcoming autobiography "Atlas Lounged"), and in August 1990, I moved to Los Angeles. I had been hired as a full-time parody song producer for the Premiere Radio Networks. For two years, I wrote, sang, and produced four or five parody songs every week, nearly 200 total. And a lot of those were country-western songs! It was grueling.

Three of those Premiere parodies are included in this collection: "Jeannie's Diner," "Wicked Game Show," and "Rice Rice Baby," which became a huge novelty hit on radio stations coast to coast. "Jeannie's Diner" was featured on a Suzanne Vega album, and it was also used in an "I Dream Of Jeannie" TV promo on Nick At Nite. Soon I segued from morning radio to the television industry.

I did a bunch of other TV theme parodies, including a zany interpretation of "The Bob Newhart Show Theme." And then I found myself doing parody jingles for NBC, CBS, TVLand, FOX, MTV, and the Disney Channel's "House Of Mouse" cartoon series. I even produced a parody for a cruise ship commercial, for which I was paid with a free Bahamas cruise, on which my girlfriend broke up with me on the starboard bow.

Back on land, I independently released two parody songs paying tribute to "Star Wars." Thanks to Napster, 1997's "The Star Wars Cantina" became a worldwide smash, reaching #1 numerous times on The Dr. Demento Show Funny Five Countdown. I also did a 1999 followup called "The Phantom Medley," which crammed 16 parody songs into two-and-a-half minutes. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

I probably would have continued doing parodies like these for another 20 years, but in October 2000, I stumbled into a new gig, as a Las Vegas lounge singer. My Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine band became a full-time job, and my parody song escapades ceased.

In early 2020, while quarantining, I started listening to my old parody song archive tapes, and I thought it would be fun to re-release some of my favorites, most of which haven't been available for more than 30 years. I re-mastered them all, re-sang the vocal on "Rice Rice Baby," and dug up an unfinished parody idea, "Shatnered," about William Shatner, and recorded it just for this album.

"THE PARODY SONGS THAT DESTROYED EARTH" provides a quick glimpse into a quirky chapter of my professional life, when I ate, drank, and slept parody songs, studying every Top 40 hit to see if I could convert it from serious to silly.

I am particularly proud of these 8 examples of my parody oeuvre, because they worked. The concepts were solid, the lyrics came easy, and I was in good voice those days. But above all, they still make people laugh ... and during this endless pandemic nightmare, laughter seems to be the best and only medicine we have.

And so, here's a syringe full of parody songs. Use as directed.

Wakanda Forever,

MJD
October 10, 2020

@MJDinStereo
www.markjonathandavis.com

credits

released October 10, 2020

"The Parody Songs That Destroyed Earth" by Mark Jonathan Davis (2020)

Released 10/10/2020

All songs written, recorded, produced, and performed by Mark Jonathan Davis except "Rock Me Jerry Lewis" by Mike Elliott & Bud Latour.
Album Cover Art: Todd Alcott, Mark Jonathan Davis.
Booklet Layout: Jim Rasfeld.
Executive Producer: @RichardCheese

© Copyright 1986-2020 Mark Jonathan Davis / Coverage Records / World Art Supply

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Mark Jonathan Davis Los Angeles, California

Mark Jonathan Davis is a writer, comedian, and music producer in Los Angeles.

He has been writing, recording, and performing comedy songs for radio, television, and movies since the 1980's.

www.markjonathandavis.com
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