1. |
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THE STAR WARS CANTINA
by Mark Jonathan Davis
Her name was Leia, she was a princess
With a danish on each ear, and Darth Vader drawing near
So R2-D2, found Ben Kenobi
He'd have to put the Death Star plans into the rebellion's hands
So Luke and Obi-Wan, had to get to Alderaan
So they stopped into Mos Eisley to have a drink with Han
At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seen-a
Here at the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
Music and blasters, and old Jedi masters
At the Star Wars....
His name was Solo, he was a pilot
With a blaster at his side, and a smile 12 parsecs wide
There with Chewbacca, he was a wookie
They met with Luke and Obi-Wan, about the Millenium Falcon
Docking bay ninety-four, stormtroopers at the door
With a flash of Ben's light-saber, now there's an arm on the floor
(REPEAT CHORUS)
His name was Yoda, he was a muppet
Darth Vader was so bad, and by the way, he's Luke's dad
Luke kissed his sister, his hand got cut-off
In that galaxy far, far away, Luke has had a lousy day
Boba Fett was so mean, Jabba had bad hygiene
Why didn't they all just relax back on Tatooine
(REPEAT CHORUS)
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2. |
Shatnered
02:22
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SHATNERED
by Mark Jonathan Davis
Uh huh
Shatner
(William, Shatner)
Stars and ships and galaxies
Bringin' Klingons to their knees
Look at Captain Kirk!
He's an actor
He's William Shatner
(William, Shatner, Shatner)
The Red Alert's alarming, the Romulans are arming
Beaming down a landing party to the scene, lookout
There might be trouble, bring in the stunt double
Unless that alien wants to snuggle
Black pants and yellow shirt
Chasing intergalactic skirt
That's James T. Kirk
William Shatner
The master blaster
(William, Shatner, Shatner)
All this phaser firing, starship flying, Sulu's driving
Warp factor, factor, factor
He's kind of hammy, but he won an Emmy
On "The Practice"
(William, Shatner, Shatner)
Mister Spock might pinch your neck
But who's the star on Star Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek, Trek!
William Shatner
He's doing acting
(instrumental break)
Ohh energize
William Shatner
(He's Bill, Shatner, Shatner)
Always sayin' Scotty beam me up, up, up, up, up!
(He was also, T.J. Hooker)
He got tribbles on the Enterprise
Horta's uptown, what a mess
His ship is captured
But he's on a mattress, with a character actress
Gettin' action all over ... that planet
This town is full of sabotaagers
Go ahead, fight the big Apollo
Don't mind the Mugatos
Uh huh
He's hitting on ya
He's drinkin' Tranya
He'll Wrath Of Kahn ya
All this chitter chatter
'Bout the matter anti-matter, matter anti-matter
The Rocket Man
In command
Give him a big hand
William Shatner
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3. |
Rice Rice Baby
02:04
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RICE RICE BABY
by Mark Jonathan Davis
Yo maître d’, let’s cook it!
Rice, rice baby
Rice, rice baby
Alright stop, grab a table and a menu
Ice is back in this Oriental venue
Hungry for a little Chop Suey
You got some Dim Sum, bring it right to me
You know what you want?
Yo, can't decide
Column A, Column B, I like fried
Shrimp and spare ribs, my fingers I'm lickin'
Waitin' for the Main Course, Kung Pau Chicken
Spicy, I mean hot like a stir fry
If you can't take it, order Moo Goo Gai Pan
Means chicken and mushrooms
While you're on the soup, the food is here to soon
No substitutions but you get hot tea
They say vegetable, but that means snow pea
If I get dessert, yo, I deserve it
Check out the chow while the waiter serves it
Rice, rice baby
Rice, rice baby
You're eatin' sweet and sour
But you'll be hungry in less than an hour
Use chopsticks or don't, it don't matter
Fingers were made for a Pu-Pu Platter
Egg rollin’ with Egg Foo Yung
My dinner is cookin' like Connie Chung
Noodles on standby, Chow Mein nearby
Egg drop? No, I'm a Wonton Soup guy
Soy sauce, hot mustard smokin'
My plate is clean and my fortune cookie's broken
Bustin' a bite of Mongolian Beef
Get a mint toothpick for my teeth
Takeout, leftover Lo Mein
If I eat any more, I'll have a weight gain
If I get dessert, yo, I deserve it
Check out the chow while the waiter serves it
Rice, rice baby
Rice, rice baby
Rice
Yo man, let's get out of here
Tip to your waitress
Rice, rice baby to go
Rice, rice baby to go
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4. |
The Phantom Medley
02:39
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THE PHANTOM MEDLEY
by Mark Jonathan Davis & The X-Swing Fighters
(OH SUSANNA)
Well, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away-a
This guy in black was on the track of the rebels led by Leia
Hey, Luke Skywalker, they fried your uncle and aunt
So he left Tatooine with a light sabre in his pants
(ALOUETTE)
You can bet I, want to be a Jedi
There is no try, only do
(ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT)
Use, use, use the force
Trust me, Luke, it's neato
Listen to Ben, he'll tell you when
To launch your torpedo
(THE CAISSONS GO MARCHING ALONG)
It's a ship, that is flown
By that Indiana Jones
And the Falcon goes flying along
(RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES)
He is Darth Vader
He's a Jedi hater
He dies much later
In episode six
(ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY)
Obi-Wan Kenobi, all covered in brown
He may cut your arm off, if you screw around
(LA BAMBA)
Ba-da-la-da-da-la Boba
He's the bounty hunter after Han
Under that armor, he's got nothing on
(POP GOES THE WEASEL)
I love the Star Wars movies, a trio without equal
And now it's time for Episode One, pop goes the prequel
(LA CUCARACHA)
The Phantom Menace, The Phantom Menace
Who're ya gonna see it with?
Share a Cola with Sebulba
Or have some popcorn with the Sith
(JINGLE BELLS)
Jar Jar Binks, Jar Jar Binks
His floppy ears are giant
They rendered 'im, with a Pentium
Let's hope he's Y2K compliant
(CAMPTOWN RACES)
Watch pod races in the heat, ka-boom, ka-boom
Anakin needs a booster seat, oh the Tatooine day
(SHE'LL BE COMIN' ROUND THE MOUNTAIN)
They'll be flyin' round Naboo when they come
They'll be fightin' battle droids of the Federation
Hey those light sabres, sound just like electric razors
They'll be flyin' 'round Naboo when they--
(COME ALL YE FAITHFUL)
Come all ye forceful
To the THX theatre
(HALLELUJAH)
Queen Amidala
Amidala, Amidala
She's a hot tamale
Natalie, marry me!
(HAVA NAGILA)
The saga, starts with Obi-
Wan Kenobi, and Qui Gon-Jinn
Those guys, were Jedis
With light sabres, and hair extensions
Anakin's a little boy
But someday, he will destroy
The Jedi knights, in galactic fights
With ships and battle droids
He knew, R2-
D2 on Naboo
Luke and Leia, Ben and Yoda
Jabba, Chewie, Han and Boba
Ewoks, Jawas, and the Gungans
And that guy from Pulp Fiction
Ships attacking, creatures biting
and Darth Maul was Kung Fu fighting
Good and Evil, Fate and Mystery
And the coolest toys in retail history
Episode One...
Shut up, the movie has begun
(SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT)
That's The Phantom Medley
The End
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5. |
Jeannie's Diner
02:13
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JEANNIE’S DINER
by Mark Jonathan Davis featuring Marilyn Whitelaw
I am sitting on the sofa, there's a TV in the corner
I am watching Major Nelson, he is played by Larry Hagman
(Jeannie!)
And he found a little bottle, and out popped Barbara Eden
But she couldn't show her belly button, all she did was blink
Tony Nelson works at NASA with suspicious Dr. Bellows
And there's also Roger Healy, who would become Howard Borden
(Jeannie!)
And Jeannie always means well, but they get in wacky trouble
She folds her arms and blinks her eyes, it's kind of like Bewitched
(Jeannie! Jeannie!)
Oh the reruns will continue on the TV as I'm watching
The pink smoke of her bottle
I am dreaming of Jeannie
(Jeannie!)
(Jeannie!)
(Jeannie!)
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6. |
Wicked Game Show
02:21
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WICKED GAME SHOW
by Mark Jonathan Davis
My brain was on fire, and no one could give me a clue
Score got no higher, what's a contestant to do
I never dreamed that I'd meet Alex Trebek
I never dreamed that I'd be so incorrect
No I can't win on Jeopardy
(this game is only gonna make you look dumb)
No I can't win on Jeopardy
(this game is only gonna make you look dumb)
Could you?
What a wicked theme you hum, to make me feel so dumb
What a wicked category, when you pick Potpourri
What a wicked thing I said, you must think I'm stupid
What a wicked Daily Double, Alex, I'm in trouble
No I can't win on Jeopardy
(this game is only gonna make you look dumb)
No I can't win on Jeopardy
(this game is only gonna make you look dumb)
Nobody knows everything
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7. |
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THE BOB NEWHART SHOW THEME
by Mark Jonathan Davis
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob…Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Bob Newhart
Here on Nick At Nite
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8. |
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ROCK ME JERRY LEWIS
by Mike Elliott & Bud Latour featuring Mark Jonathan Davis
Rock Me Jerry Lewis
Jerry Lewis
Jerry Lewis
(repeats)
Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis
(repeats)
Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis!
Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis!
Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis!
Oooh!
L-L-L-L-Lady, L-L-L-L-Lady
Tel-tel-tel-telethon, Tel-tel-tel-tel-telethon
1926, New Jersey, March 16th, Jerry Lewis is born in Newark
1946, at the age of 20, Jerry Lewis meets Dean Martin for the first time
1949, Martin & Lewis star in their first film, "My Friend Irma”
1956, Martin & Lewis release "Hollywood Or Bust," then split up
1963, on his own, Lewis stars in "The Nutty Professor"
1973, Lewis chooses Las Vegas as the home for the MDA telethons
Labor Day, 3 years later, Frank Sinatra reunites Martin & Lewis live on the telethon
In 1986, for no apparent reason, Mike Elliott & Bud Latour record "Rock Me Jerry Lewis"
Rock Rock Rock Me Jerry Lewis, Jerry
Ooh ooh, ooh
Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis
Whoa whoa whoa!
Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis
“Oooh! I’m sorry Mr. Element, uh, Mr. Elliott, and Bud. Oooh!
Uh, I want my, I want my, I want my…”
Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis!
Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis!
Oooh Rock Me Jerry Lewis!
Oooh Oooh!
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Mark Jonathan Davis Los Angeles, California
Mark Jonathan Davis is a writer, comedian, and music producer in Los Angeles.
He has been
writing, recording, and performing comedy songs for radio, television, and movies since the 1980's.
www.markjonathandavis.com
... more
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